I've been feeling under the weather for about a month now. Sam always lets me down. I'm letting go of Sam. I don't know what's going to happen to me after I die. God has been absent from my life for about a year now. I don't know who I am anymore. I can't stay on CNN or BBC for too long nowadays because I become more and more depressed. I want to save the world but instead I sleep. My relationship with Austin is purely sexual. I drink. I smoke. Who I was two years ago would be disappointed in who I am now. My throat hurts. My heart hurts.